Hers: The Project

Not too long ago, my teacher gave a talk on that website, Yoga U. I was excited to listen to it, so excited that I upgraded my data plan to a 5G plan with a personal hotspot (no cable, so no Internet access at our house) just so I could listen to it.

It was a good talk, exploring the connection between the subtle and physical bodies. I think. Truth is, even though I took notes, there’s only one thing that I remember clearly from that talk. He said, “20% of the time that a person comes to sitting meditation practice should be dedicated to Metta.” 

I liked that. I can work with that. It gives me and my mind something to do. 2 out of 10 times on the cushion: Metta.

Metta, a Pali word that translates to loving-kindness, is a traditional, Buddhist based practice. It’s used to cultivate loving-kindness both inward and outward, toward ourselves and others. It consists of repeating a number of phrases meant to bring peace, ease, and well being in body, mind, and spirit. I first came across the word and practice in a book written by Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart. I was moved by the concept and brought it into my own meditation practice. To this day, I use the phrases offered by Kornfield, “May I be filled with loving-kindness. May I be well. May I be peaceful and at ease. May I be happy.” 

My first experiences with Metta practice were quite powerful. As Kornfield suggested it might be, it was a bit awkward directing these sentiments toward myself. I remember the first time I sat reciting my phrases; there was such a resistance - like a wall between myself and what I was saying. Finally I gave into it; it was then that my breath caught, my stomach tightened, and tears began to push themselves out of my closed eyes. But I kept with it and, over time, was soon able to turn my attention to others: family, friends, acquaintances, even people who challenged me (read annoyed the h&%* out of me). As a result, a lightness began to fill me. Not just in sitting practice, but for hours after. I began to see people in a new and different way. A knowledge and understanding came from a place deep within me. A direct perception. We all suffer. We are all trying. We all matter. We all deserve wellness in body, peace in mind and heart, safety, happiness.

And then my practice began to wane. I moved on to new ideas, new ways of exploring my sitting practice: watching my breath, regulating my breath, focusing my attention on sounds or sensations. These were subtle changes, but changes nonetheless.

I think of my first experiences with Metta practice and its effects with fondness, and even a bit of wistfulness. I remember the feelings of compassion and empathy that seemed to so easily flow from within me. (And my husband can tell you that compassion is a trait that I could definitely work on…)

I now return to this practice. I return to it not with the idea of recreating my first experiences, as we all know first experiences happen only once. But, I’d like to do a little research, an experiment. Dr. Carrie Demers, medical director of the Himalayan Institute, has said that that’s all we are ever doing – experimenting, collecting new or more data and hopefully making wise decisions with the information we collect.

So here’s my experiment: 54 days straight of Metta meditation.  I know from past experience that if I use a full mala – 108 beads – and repeat two phrases on my inhale and two on my exhale with one bead counted per breath, my meditation will be approximately 18 minutes long. So that means 54 days of 18 minute Metta meditation. My data will be collected on and off the cushion throughout my days. My findings will be published here, perhaps just as an exercise for my fingers or maybe for some random eyes that cross this page. This is my Svadhayaya project. Well, part of it.......